A Donkey meets a Buick at the High Road. "Hello car", the Donkey says. "Hello donkey", the Buick replies, when suddenly the Donkey begins to cry. "Oh my" the Buick says. "Why are you crying"? "Well, when i now call you car, you can at least call me horse.
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Note: Tradewars is on online role-playing game where you are a spaceship captain, and roam a 5,000 sector universe trading and/or killing away. You also get to build things and gather colonists. Look for the game on local BBS' On your first game you most likely did the following:
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"Well, Jonathan, what are you going to do about the excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked. "I don't understand it, Doc," Jonathan replied, "I just can't seem to lose weight. I must have an overactive thyroid." "Jonathan, the tests show that your thyroid is perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "It's your fork that's overactive."
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I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
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Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," says the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," whined Little Johnny. "Maybe," answered the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
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A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older."
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Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants!
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What's the worst thing about ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon.
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There is a major difference between the way a dog thinks and the way a cat thinks. A dog says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. You must be God." A cat says, "You feed me, shelter me, pamper me, and love me. I must be God."
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Jerry: So you have both a nice mommy and a pretty mommy? Steve: Yup. They're lesbians.
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The Englishman and the Scotsman both walk into a bar. The Irishman ducks under it.
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Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
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A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!".The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?"He says, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!"
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Q: What do you call it, when a bison gets a loan? A: A Buffa-loan!
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What does playing the bagpipes and throwing a javelin blind-folded have in common? You don't have to be very good at either to get a lot of peoples' attention.
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Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Some people have friends who are dwarfs, not me I have a friend who is a midget dwarf. He is the guy who poses for the sport trophys
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Everybody has a good excuse for not attending church. If you take those excuses and apply them to other things we do (or don't do), like eating, they might look like this list:
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Judi is explaining to Monika the bad day she'd had at work.Judi's boss had suffered a heart attack and died.Monika said, "How horrible!What did you do?" Judi shook her head."There was nothing I *could* do.He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers!"
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