Every joke I've kept

An ad at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'

— onelinefun.com

I was going to be an optometrist, but couldn't see things clearly.

— onelinefun.com

Why do field hockey players never sweat? They have too many fans!

— onelinefun.com

Is pikachu called pikachu because he always say pikachu or is he saying pikachu because he is pikachu?

— onelinefun.com

Why did the M&M go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!

— onelinefun.com

A cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremely slow motion.

— onelinefun.com

Her: "Do you like cats?" Me flipping menu: "What page are you on?"

— onelinefun.com

What is a vampire's sweetheart called? His ghoul-friend.

— onelinefun.com

Why was Cinderella such a bad field hockey player? Her coach was a pumpkin.

— onelinefun.com

I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends because he was so clothes minded!

— onelinefun.com

Someone said you sounded like an owl. Who?

— onelinefun.com

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

— onelinefun.com

I used to a fan of evolution. But then I have evolved.

— onelinefun.com

I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to have enough money to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

— onelinefun.com

What do you call a mountain where people never sleep? Mt Neverest.

— onelinefun.com

What did the mother lion say to her cubs before dinner? "Shall we prey!"

— onelinefun.com

Whats the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

— onelinefun.com

Did you hear about the athlete who wore two jackets when she painted the house? The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats."

— onelinefun.com

Why did the volleyball players go to the library for practice? The coach told them they'll be doing some reading today.

— onelinefun.com

I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?

— onelinefun.com