Every joke I've kept

What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming!

— onelinefun.com

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

— onelinefun.com

Happy birthday, Bono. I wanted to get you the perfect present, but I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

— onelinefun.com

What monster plays the most April Fool's jokes? Prankenstein!

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When I told my family I wanted to do stand-up comedy all they did was laughing.

— onelinefun.com

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

— onelinefun.com

Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up!

— onelinefun.com

Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!

— onelinefun.com

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? She will Let It Go!

— onelinefun.com

I got fired from Yankee candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!

— onelinefun.com

I'll only go to elementary school reunions because those people didn't start to hate me until we were in high school.

— onelinefun.com

I wish there was a way to keep in touch with dogs I meet outside of grocery stores.

— onelinefun.com

Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there is lots of school spirit!

— onelinefun.com

What is an extreme sport? Doing you homework, while the teacher is collecting it.

— onelinefun.com

I'm at my most amazing when no one is paying attention.

— onelinefun.com

Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?

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Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

— onelinefun.com

What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE!

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I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!

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What did the dentist said to the Sabretooth tiger? You have outstanding teeth.

— onelinefun.com