Every joke I've kept

I just read that alligators can grow up to 15 feet. But I haven't seen any with more than 4.

— onelinefun.com

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

— onelinefun.com

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

— onelinefun.com

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

— onelinefun.com

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

— onelinefun.com

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

— onelinefun.com

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

— onelinefun.com

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

— onelinefun.com

People who write "u" instead of "you". What do you do with all the time you save?

— onelinefun.com

Escalators don't break down... they just turn into stairs.

— onelinefun.com

It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative.

— onelinefun.com

He is so old that he gets nostalgic when he sees the Neolithic cave paintings.

— onelinefun.com

Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

— onelinefun.com

The reward for a job well done is more work.

— onelinefun.com

If at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common.

— onelinefun.com

What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.

— onelinefun.com

When you have two choices and you take one away, you have zero choices.

— onelinefun.com

I'm not sure if I lost my camo pants or if they're just doing a really good job.

— onelinefun.com

Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.

— onelinefun.com

I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

— onelinefun.com