Every joke I've kept

Knock, knock, knock! Who's there? Faith, here's an English tailor come hither for stealing out of a French hose. Come in, tailor. Here you may roast your gooses.

— public joke corpus

Knock knock? Who's there? Water. Water who? Water you doing?

— public joke corpus

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a skunk? A fowl smell!

— public joke corpus

If you invited all the alphabet to tea who would be late? The letters 'UVWXYZ' because they all come after 'T'.

— public joke corpus

Q: How many Newfie farmers does it take to milk a cow? A: 5...One to hold the utter and four to lift the cow up and down, up and down.

— public joke corpus

The skeleton walked into the bar and asked, "Can I have a beer and a mop?"

— public joke corpus

Q. Why are families like chocolate? A. They are mostly sweet, with a few nuts!

— public joke corpus

I tried for years to snap my thumb and finger together - and suddenly it clicked!

— public joke corpus

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marajiuana, Jack got high and unzipped his fly and Jill said I don't wanna.

— public joke corpus

Daddy Needs a New Pair O' Pants!

Everyone knows that common phrase, meaning, 'COME ON, I NEED TO GET LUCKY!' Well, whenever I need to get lucky, I say, Daddy needs a new pair o' pants! (Come on, winter is coming!)

— public joke corpus

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

— public joke corpus

I hate thongs! I mean, come on, Women don't need to floss their butts.

— public joke corpus

Never take advice from electrons. They are always negative.

— public joke corpus

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. So the farmer says "Oh, shoot! It went in one ear and out the udder"...

— public joke corpus

Knock-knock. A race condition. Who is there?

— public joke corpus

Did you hear about the scientists who crossed a porcupine with a sheep? They got an animal that knits its own sweaters.

— public joke corpus

Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert? There's no John.

— public joke corpus

They Mean Business...when it Comes to LIES?

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

— public joke corpus

Heaven won't take me and hell's afraid I'll take over. -Unknown (boardofwisdom.com)

— public joke corpus

Why was the baby ant afraid of his uncles? Because his uncles were all ants!

— public joke corpus