Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
If I discovered a new animal I'd call it a Quorn to mess with vegetarians.
— onelinefun.com
I saw some dude trick a vegan into eating real cheese. How dairy.
— onelinefun.com
The slogan for Canada Dry should be "I hope you feel better."
— onelinefun.com
I am right ninety eight percent of the time - who cares about the other three percent.
— onelinefun.com
What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students? A blood test.
— onelinefun.com
I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".
— onelinefun.com
Why are cats, bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
— onelinefun.com
I think the most exciting thing about being an adult is never knowing what part of your body is going to hurt the next day
— onelinefun.com
Sorry I missed your call, I was busy seeing how many times my phone would ring before you gave up.
— onelinefun.com
What did the math book say to the psychologist? "Would you like to hear my problems?"
— onelinefun.com
A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
— onelinefun.com
I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.
— onelinefun.com
What do you call blueberries playing the guitar? A jam session.
— onelinefun.com
My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing.
— onelinefun.com
If you say "I knew you were going to say that" enough. You can start billing people for psychic readings.
— onelinefun.com
Here's a step by step guide to walking up the stairs, step 1) Right foot, step 2) Left foot, step 3) Right foot...
— onelinefun.com
Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle? Because if you add 4 + 4 you get ate!
— onelinefun.com
What happened when the two angels got married? They lived harpily ever after!
— onelinefun.com
Where do ghosts play tennis? On a tennis corpse!
— onelinefun.com