Every joke I've kept

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Zero: For all blondes know, the lightbulb is still burning bright.

— public joke corpus

Wizard Of Oz (the Truth From Dorothy)

Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.

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"Ciao amico, desidero comprare un mazzo di banane." "Il compagno spiacente, questo à ̈ un farmacista."

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Which animal has no teeth? A gummy bear!

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Which came first - the chicken or the egg? It depends on who got laid first!

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A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client with a note that said, "This bill is one year old. "By return mail, the lawyer received the bill back with a note attached to it, saying: "Happy Birthday. "

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Ma and Pa had an awful time getting married.Ma wouldn't marry Pa when he was drunk and Pa wouldn't marry Ma when he was sober.

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Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty of it.

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Knock knock? Who's there? Kip. Kip who? Kip your hands off me!

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Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

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A performative poet of Hibernia Rhymed himself into a hernia He became quite adept At this practise, except For the occasional non-sequitur.

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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

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If ham is Canadian bacon, then what the heck do you Canadians call bacon?

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What do you get when you cross a fish and a grizzly? A Bearacuda.

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A lady lost her handbag during a day of shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty singles." The boy replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have change for a reward."

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Why Did Humpty Dumpty Have a Great Fall?

Larry: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great Fall? Mary: Because he had a bad summer.

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Why is a football pitch so cold? Because of all the fans

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If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

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THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL, who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead... And when she was good, she was very very good, But when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.

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One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day. Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil! Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to! That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad fox came along. He took one look at them and said: Fox:Mmmm, I love Baskin' Robins!

— public joke corpus