Recently I heard about a vampire that was so mathematically challenged that he couldn't count Dracula!
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees.
— onelinefun.com
I broke a mirror the other day that's 7 years bad luck. My lawyer thinks he can get me 5.
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April Fools' Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.
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What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.
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Why did Michael's grades drop after the holidays? Because everything was marked down!
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What did the chicken say when it got to the library? "Book book book book book book book..."
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I'm at a McDonalds and their phone just rang. I have to assume whoever is making that call is a completely unstable human being.
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Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke? Because it might crack up!
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I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008.
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When is a field hockey player like a judge? When she sits on the bench.
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Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?
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Haven't seen any UFOs lately. Wondering if the galaxy is downsizing their space programs too.
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My diet always starts on a Monday morning and ends at the donuts somebody brings into the office later that morning.
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We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I took a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was "Michael".
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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese!
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When will pigs fly? When we launch them to mars for the astronauts to have bacon!
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All of these people here talking about how they love with their whole heart... I'm just happy I didn't bite anyone today.
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Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.
— onelinefun.com