Lately I've been trying to touch my toes, which I don't find so complicated, but my knees just can't get it straight.
— onelinefun.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Computer does what you command him to do but not what you want from him.
— onelinefun.com
If good things come in small packages, then more good things can come in large packages.
— onelinefun.com
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.
— onelinefun.com
Twitter is my 'serious' account. My Bank account is the 'joke' one.
— onelinefun.com
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
— onelinefun.com
What did the Star Wars fan ask to the car dealer? "Can I buy the Rogue one please?"
— onelinefun.com
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
— onelinefun.com
"Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart ". Does that mean Iron Man is the most beautiful person on earth?
— onelinefun.com
I don't care how old I am, I will see Finding Dory.
— onelinefun.com
According to the principle of the sandwich, if you put butter on both sides the sandwich will hang in the air.
— onelinefun.com
Why did the teacher jump into the water? She wanted to test the water!
— onelinefun.com
I have this weird talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present. It's a gift.
— onelinefun.com
All I'm saying is there's a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them...
— onelinefun.com
My life has been all downhill ever since that one day when I emerged from my mother's womb.
— onelinefun.com
Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful.
— onelinefun.com
There's a pigeon walking up the driveway. I don't care what he wants. I'm not answering the door.
— onelinefun.com
I took my new car back to the dealers, complaining it only did left turns - "drive in the opposite direction then" he said.
— onelinefun.com
What's a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
— onelinefun.com
It seems like less people are solving their differences with dance offs.
— onelinefun.com