Every joke I've kept

What will fall on the lawn first? An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalog?

— onelinefun.com

Someone says to his friend: "I bought a cat" And the other: "You have to be kitten me!"

— onelinefun.com

I know that there are people who don't love their fellow man – I hate those people.

— onelinefun.com

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

— onelinefun.com

How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer? They use bear conditioning!

— onelinefun.com

When I asked if you'd like to go out on a date sometime, I meant with me.

— onelinefun.com

We can copy any document for you. We do not require the original.

— onelinefun.com

What does a hockey player and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!

— onelinefun.com

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

— onelinefun.com

A hard thing about a business is minding your own.

— onelinefun.com

Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.

— onelinefun.com

Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.

— onelinefun.com

Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn't get a date.

— onelinefun.com

Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Because they're always wearing green.

— onelinefun.com

Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank.

— onelinefun.com

What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.

— onelinefun.com

Scientists created a six-legged turkey for families who fight over the drumsticks. But the turkeys escaped, and no one can catch them.

— onelinefun.com

What kind of key opens a casket? A skeleton key.

— onelinefun.com

Got a ceiling fan? Put some little piles of talcum powder on top of the blades and wait for somebody to turn it on. It'll be snowing indoors.

— onelinefun.com

When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging.

— onelinefun.com