Every joke I've kept

Knock-Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who Orange you tired of hearing the same stupid jokes about oranges?

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What's the difference between a duck and a spider? A duck has a web in its feet, a spider has its feet in a web!

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Middle Age: when knees buckle and belts don't.

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Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

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A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home."

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Similiarity between a woman and a computer!Both can accept a 3.5 inch floppy

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There's this dyslexic guy... he walked into a bra...

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I had a great memory once, but I don't know where I left it. You haven't seen it lying around anywhere have you? No? No what?

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Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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If you want to make someone laugh, use this line: Sorry. say that again. I couldn't hear you over my fart.

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Where do programmers like to hangout? The Foo Bar.

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A mother was teaching her three-year-old daughter The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride, as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation", she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail, Amen."

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Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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What is represented by this? DO WN Broken down!

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A gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in- law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he bought her nothing.She was quick to comment, loud and long, on his thoughtlessness. The gentleman said only one thing - "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."

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Prudhomme's Law of Window Washing It's on the OTHER side.

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Salary Increase "I must have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me." "Really?" the boss asked. "What other companies are after you?" "The gas company, the telephone company, and the electricity company," the man replied.

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What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.

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