Q: How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs. A: Only one. ''Oh, excuse me, could you please test the socket with your finger while I go get a new bulb?''
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
— public joke corpus
Knock knock Who's there? *silence*
— public joke corpus
Can I watch the TV? Yes, but don’t turn it on.
— public joke corpus
How do you make a reindeer fast? Don't feed it.
— public joke corpus
Today I was thinking to myself, how would my life be different if I was born one day earlier. I said nothing would change except I would have asked myself that yesterday.
— public joke corpus
Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A: That's not funny!!!
— public joke corpus
What is a chicken's favorite type of joke? The human who crossed the road!!!
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What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn? A metro-gnome
— public joke corpus
How do we look at a calendar to find what date it is, when we don't know the date?
— public joke corpus
How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
— public joke corpus
Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A. No ball room
— public joke corpus
A Windows customer said when he closes his windows, they disappear.
— public joke corpus
My geometry tutor told me, "A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon." "What about two sided ones?" I asked. "They don't exist," was his response. "I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."
— public joke corpus
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
— public joke corpus
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
— public joke corpus
Soccer Coach: Why didn't you stop the ball? New Goalie: I thought that was what the net was for!
— public joke corpus
What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem? "Attention all K-Mart shoppers"
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An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language." "I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've not taught that bird to swear." "Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor, "but yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
— public joke corpus
How many diagonals does an N-polygon have? N(N-3)/2.
— public joke corpus