Every joke I've kept

I asked my mother where I have been born when she told me in a hospital. I responded: "Mom was I ill?"

— onelinefun.com

Global warming is a joke. Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

— r/Jokes

Why don't aliens visit our solar system? Terrible ratings. One star.

— r/Jokes

Scientist: "My findings are meaningless if taken out of context." Media: Scientist claims "Findings are meaningless."

— r/Jokes

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor

— r/Jokes

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

— r/Jokes

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN... They become VERY ANGRY.

— r/Jokes

“Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”. “No son, have you seen my dad glasses?”

— r/Jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said. Y'know, one would have been enough.

— r/Jokes

How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

— r/Jokes

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.

— r/Jokes

Does anyone know how to avoid click bait? Apparently not.

— r/Jokes

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals. I M LIVID

— r/Jokes

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole. you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

— r/Jokes

Why would the military use acid? To neutralize the enemy base.

— r/Jokes

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

— r/Jokes

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.

— r/Jokes

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

— r/Jokes

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

— r/Jokes

You can’t breathe through your nose while smiling. Of course you can I just wanted you to smile!

— r/Jokes