Every joke I've kept

Want to hear a REALLY dirty joke?

Two white horses fell in the mud and three came out.

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Mosquitos consider most people as food, but grandma's an open bar.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish!

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Bill and Hillary Clinton went out to dinner and when the waiter came to take their order, he asked Hillary how she wanted her steak, she replied, "medium."Then the waiter said, "how about your vegetable?"Hillary replied, "Oh, he can order for himself."

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What is the name for a bandaid on a pumpkin? A pumpkin patch!

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Rabinovich notes: "I would prefer it the other way round."

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Q. what is more diffucult than getting a pregnant elephant in your car? A. getting an elephant pregnant in your car

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Doctor, doctor. I think I need glasses. You sure do, sir. This is a flower shop.

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Why Did the Cow Cross the Street?

Why did the cow cross the street? To get to the udder side!

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Why is a pool table green? Because if someone racked your balls you'd be green too.

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A out-of-towner in New York decided to re-visit a fine uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city.Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he began, "Hey, you know, it's been over five years since I first came in here. . .""You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time."

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Q: How do you get free tickets to a concert fast? A: Bring a gun to the box-office.

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He was a smooth operator, and at the club's annual dance he attached himself to the prettiest lady golfer in the room and was boasting to her. "You know, they're all afraid to play me. What do you think my handicap is?" "Well, where do you want me to start ?" came the quick response.

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Once a bird pooped on me, so I threw it back.

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If it's called tourist season why can't I shoot them?

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Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb? A: one.

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99.9% of the people are dumb! Fortunately I belong to the remaining 1%

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Q: What is a cat's favorite game? A: Go Fish!

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Actual bumper sticker on a jeep (the writing was upside down). "If you can read this, flip me over!"

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