Every joke I've kept

Knock knock. Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? I doughnut want to know if you're sick!

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If at first you don't suceed...lower your standards!

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While driving to work, I found myself behind an old Ford Falcon, with five teenage boys inside. The best part was the bumper sticker in the center of the rear window. It read: DON'T LAUGH, YOUR DAUGHTER COULD BE IN HERE!

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Q: What did the older lightbulb say to the younger lightbulb? A: You're too young to go out tonight.

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What do you call a thieving alligator? A crookodile!

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Q: Why don't blondes play frisbee?A: It hurts their teeth.

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Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked. "Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

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Why can't blondes put in lightbubs? Because they keep breaking them with hammers.

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Broccoli, while not exoccoli, Is within an inach of being spinach.

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Cinfuscious says : It is nice to meet a woman in the park but is better to park meat in a woman.

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"I'm very sorry sir, but I don't have my homework with me- I left my bag on the bus." "Well done! A+"

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"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son." "OK: He's most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery." "How can you say all that without even meeting him?" "I thought you said he's 13?"

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What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

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A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically: "Why does it have to be a secret?"

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Kid says to mom:"The babysitter's an angel! She was naked in the garden and screamed God I'm coming! Lucky daddy was holding her from behind to keep her here!"

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Q: How can you tell a woman is old?A: When she takes off her bra, all of the wrinkles in her face disappear!

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What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper.

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I know the day I gave up exercise. You wanna know? Check my birth certificate.

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How do turtles talk to each other? Shellphones!

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Q: What's the difference between a girls track team and a tribe of pygmies? A: The pygmies are cunning little runts.

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