My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing... Probably because it's a Dell
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: ‘dad, can’t you just use a sponge?’
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Justice is a dish best served cold because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
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I bought a dog from a blacksmith this morning within 10 minutes of getting him home he made a bolt for the door.
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What rhymes with Orange? No it doesn’t
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Why don’t introverted trees want to be chopped down? They don’t want to dialog
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Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big Mcsteak
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I dated a dentist a while back, She had the whitest teeth I ever came across.
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Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
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Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Cause light attracts bugs.
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What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream? Everyone I ask can't remember either.
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Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex? My ex.
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I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
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I dig, she dig, we dig, he dig, they dig, you dig .. It's not a beautiful poem but it's really deep.
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4th of July, The only time of the year Americans say the day and month in the correct order.
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Monday - Greg, Tuesday - Ian, Wednesday - Greg, Thursday - Ian, Friday - Greg, Saturday - Ian, Sunday - Greg. The Gregorian calendar
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If you run in front of a car you'll get tired... But if you run behind the car you'll get exhausted
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Why haven't aliens visited our solar system? They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.
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Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am as an electrician.
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Courtesy of my 5 year old: Why did Dracula take cold medicine? To stop his coffin.
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