A farmer is going down the road with his horse pulling his wagon and his dog lying next to 'em. The farmer says, "It sure is hot out here." The horse turns back and says, "It sure is." The farmer says, "I didn't know horses could talk." The dog said, "Neither did I."
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WARNINGS that should appear on alcohol bottles and over bars
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You are young and beautiful, have 2 university degrees, and are fluent in 3 languages. You have long blonde hair, long legs and a killer smile and you want to earn a salary no less than 100 000$ per year. That's nice. But we need a plumber.
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Q. What do you call a cow that gives chocolate milk? A. An Utter Delight!
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Two muffins were sitting next to each other, in an oven, as they were being cooked. One muffin turned to the other muffin, and said, "Man, it's hot in here." Then the other muffin turned to the first muffin and screamed, "AHHH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
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Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. Willy: Me
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Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case.
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What is sin x divided by n? Canceling the "n" yields six.
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What does a cow do for entertainment? Listen to moo-sic.
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What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme!
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Fe Fe Fe \ | / Fe --*-- Fe / | \ Fe Fe Fe A ferris wheel
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A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
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What does Monica Lewinsky have on her resume? "Sat on the Presidential Staff"
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Why are fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.
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"Flight 2341, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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"Do you know that your dog bit my mother-in-law yesterday?" "Is that so? Well, I suppose you'll sue me for damages?" "Not at all. What'll you take for the dog?"
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Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. The guitarist holds the bulb and the world revolves around him!
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A parachute used once, but has never been open!
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Q) What do you call an ant from overseas? A) Important
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Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots ! Student: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home
— public joke corpus