Every joke I've kept

I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It’s a pretty good μ-boat.

— r/Jokes

Whoever invented the knock knock jokes. Should get a Nobell prize.

— r/Jokes

Just paid $350 on a limo, but found out it didn't include a driver. All that money with nothing to chauffeur it

— r/Jokes

What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.

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A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly... and as you can see, they were Wright.

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Why are monks so good at protesting? The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance.

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As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass. Just wanted to make that clear.

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The bartender says, “Go home. We don’t serve faster-than-light-particles here.”. A tachyon walks into a bar.

— r/Jokes

I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg

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I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels. Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.

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I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”. He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything."

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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

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You know there's no official training for garbage men? They just pick it up as they go along.

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Light babies are delivered by stork, heavy babies... Delivered by crane.

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How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!

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Just got my ticket to the Fibonacci convention! I hear this year is going to be as big as the last 2 put together.

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Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion. I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

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Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo... We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

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Sometimes when I feel lonely I buy some stocks. Its nice to have a bit of company

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My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...

— r/Jokes