An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, "Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?" "Digging a hole," said Patrick. "What's wrong with the hole next to it?" said his neighbour. "That one wasn't deep enough," said Patrick.
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No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would.
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Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else!
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Gene Pitney dies, and his widow is told that the coffin would take a week if it was made from Oak - but only 24 hours from Balsa!
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Q: What device lets you see through a wall? A: Window
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A three legged dog is walking down the middle of the road with a shotgun in his hand. When he was asked why he had a shotgun he said "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa".
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who can do binary and those who can't.
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The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:
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What is the most used language in programming? Profanity.
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If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
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Paddy:- "Hello, is that 77 77 77? Can you call 911, my finger is stuck in the 7"
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1. The Yankees General Manager's name is Brian Cashman. 2. Barry Bonds' initals are BB, the abreviation for a walk is also BB.
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Why did the chicken get a penalty? For fowl play.
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"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments." - David Letterman
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What does C.S. Lewis keep at the back of his wardrobe? Narnia business!
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Knock Knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita really warm place to sleep tonight, it's cold out here.
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Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. That's a software problem. A: None. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.
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Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the middle ages as the dark ages? Betty: Because they had so many knights.
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E.T phone home! That must be one hell of a phone bill
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How can you tell what company an insurance man works for? That's easy... just watch to see who he sleeps with....
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