Every joke I've kept

Turned 18 today, so I bought a locket and put my own picture in it. Guess I really am. independent

— r/Jokes

I spent hours trying to find what the opposite of “night” was. But, in the end, I just had to call it a day.

— r/Jokes

I asked Siri why I was still single. She turned on the front camera

— r/Jokes

Why is spiderman so good at comebacks? Because with great power comes great response ability.

— r/Jokes

My teenage daughter is really acting odd.. She can’t even

— r/Jokes

Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him. but this isn't even my final form.

— r/Jokes

All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye.

— r/Jokes

“Yoda, are you sure we are going in the right direction?”. Yoda: Off course we are.

— r/Jokes

If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.

— r/Jokes

A house of cards is really fragile. One blow from a little kid and it all comes tumbling down

— r/Jokes

To the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts

— r/Jokes

I don’t know why marvel hasn’t tried to advertise on the hulk. He’s a giant banner after all.

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Why are there no cats on Mars? Curiosity.

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If you ever feel your job is meaningless... Just remember that it's somebody's job to install turn signals to BMW's

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I broke two of my dads Queen records... Now I want to break three.

— r/Jokes

I keep getting hit by the same bike, at the same time and place, day after day... It's a vicious cycle.

— r/Jokes

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight. Sigh

— r/Jokes

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them? So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

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At what frequency does laughter become painful. 1 gigglehurts

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As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office. I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

— r/Jokes