Every joke I've kept

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns... Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

— r/Jokes

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000. The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

— r/Jokes

(P+L)(A+N) = PA+PN+LA+LN. Ha! I just foiled your plan!

— r/Jokes

What's DJ Khaleds favourite number? 11 because it has another 1.

— r/Jokes

I finally got an A on my essay! Only 1999 more words to go.

— r/Jokes

I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite. It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.

— r/Jokes

I got drunk and drew up a graph showing all of the relationships I've ever had. It had an ex axis, and a why axis.

— r/Jokes

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

— r/Jokes

Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.

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My dentist removed the wrong tooth. It was accidental.

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I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full" Couldn't turn it down.

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Which word has 6 letters, starts with an N and ends with an R and is related to a Race? NASCAR

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Why is the army so strict about their uniforms? To minimize casual tees...

— r/Jokes

What should happen to the person who invented Knock Knock jokes? They should get a No-Bell prize. :)

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Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city.. Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

— r/Jokes

I received a call from the school telling me my son is constantly lying. I said "Tell him he's a good liar. I don't have a son."

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Creating a joke is one thing. But delivering it is another. I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.

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I made a mistake at the grocery store. I went to get 6 Sprites. Accidentally picked 7up

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Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out...

— r/Jokes

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrodinger's Cat. She said it rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not.

— r/Jokes