Every joke I've kept

What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy.

— public joke corpus

A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a disturbing fart after making love! She said: "Aww, so sorry. Excuse please, front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud!!

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Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you!!!

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Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday? He tried to resign on Monday, but discovered he'd been standing in the wrong line.

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Duck #1: Quack Duck #2: Quack Duck #3: Quack Quack Duck #1 takes out a gun and shoots Duck #3. Duck #2: "Why did you shoot him?" Duck #1: "He knew too much."

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What's a computer's favorite snack? Microchips.

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Anybody can win. Unless, of course, there happens to be a second entry.

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Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog? Somebody told him to get a long little doggy.

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When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it's an anagram of 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not!

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Good: You & Your wife decide not to have kids. Bad: Your wife can't find the birth control pills Ugly: You daughter borrowed them.

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Two programmers walked along the street. They saw a beautiful blonde not far away and one of them said, "Too bad that girls has no standard interface.""They have," replied the other programmer, "but there is no standard way to get to it."

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What did the cat say to the elephant? "......................meOW!"

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Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

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A fat woman and a slim woman were both smoking cigarettes; which one finished hers first? The fat woman - she takes bigger draws.

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Up in heaven there is a white picket fence.On one side stood GOD on the other side stood Satan and a few of his henchmen.The devilshelpers were kicking holes in the fence.GOD said "if you don't tell them to stop, I'll sue you".Satan started laughing and replied "You think you'll find a lawyer on your side of the fence?"

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Q. If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? A. The Captain's dinghy!

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Two neighbours were talking to each other. One said to the other "Have you told your son to stop imitating me?" The other one replied "Yes. Yesterday I went up to him and said 'Stop acting such a fool!'..."

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What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

— public joke corpus