Every joke I've kept

"Hey," says Jim, "this match won't light!" "Strange," says Ned,. "It worked okay this morning."

— public joke corpus

Once, there was 3 Chinese people who wanted to go to America. Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, "I'll change my name to Buck, adding 'ck' to the end." Chu said, "Then I'll become Chuck." After a long pause, Fu said, "I guess I'll go back to China."

— public joke corpus

"Do you like the new car Alice and I just bought?" Tom asked onerously.

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Knock Knock ! Who's there ? Bless ! Bless who ? I didn't sneeze !

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One day a couple of rabbits found themselves being chased by a pack of wolves. They dashed into a thicket, and stood there panting. "So," gasped one to the other, "do you think we should keep running, or stay here until we outnumber them?"

— public joke corpus

Q. Why was the Gum so mad in class? A. It was Chewed Out!

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How does the barber cut the moon's hair? E-clipse it

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"The car won't start," aid a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor.""How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is.""I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor.""We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?""In the swimming pool."

— public joke corpus

What part of music is the part you'd better not try to sing? Refrain!

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Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

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Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb? A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

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Why don't ghosts make good magicians? You can see right through them!

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How did Hellen Keller's mother punish her??? rearranging her furniture.

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What do Micheal Jackson and a PS2 have in common? They're both plastic, can be black or white and can be turned on by children.

— public joke corpus

Mother: Did you eat all the cookies. Tom? Tom: I didn't touch one. Mother: That's strange. There's only one left. Tom: That's the one I didn't touch.

— public joke corpus

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

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Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" Johnny's father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

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Why couldn't G-Unit take the bus? They only had 50 cent!

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What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives? In the Library of Congress you're not allowed to lick the pages!

— public joke corpus