Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. That's a hardware problem. A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down. A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
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Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"
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A man was lost for hours when he suddenly came up to a house. The man knocked on the door and asks to enter. The woman who owns the house asked, "Who is it?" The man answered, "I and I King Silassi I Jah Rasta Fari." The lady replied, "Go away, there are too many of you for me to let you in."
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
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Knock-Knock Who's there? Alaska Alaska who? Alaska one more time, open the door
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A pirate walks in to a bar, he has the whole pirate gettup: peg leg, funky hat,the long beard, and the parrot. But he has a ship steering wheel in his pants.The bartender says,"Excuse me, but you have a ship steering wheel in your pants."The pirate says,"Arrrggg, IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!"
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One chicken says to the other, "For heaven's sake, don't cross the road! We'll never hear the end of it!"
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Q: What's the difference between a rabbit and a cow? A: One's a rabbit and one is a cow
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One day, a teacher at an elementary school asks one of her students how clouds form. She replied "I'm not sure how clouds form, but the clouds know how to form, and that's the important thing...."
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Why is Mississippi River unusual? Because it has four eyes and can't see!
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How was the snow globe feeling after the storm? A little shaken.
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Where do cats go to find their tail? The retail store.
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Why didn't the zombie cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts!
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Why did the Quiz Show give away $10,000 plus one banana? They wanted the prize to have appeal.
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A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts."but how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks."That's simple", he says, "just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day"."And that would do it?", the surprised wife wonders."Well,", answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!".
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What kind of shoes do you wear to the beach? SANDals!
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Here is an explanation of the school homework policy:
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Which candles burn longer, the candles on a girl's cake or a boy's cake? No candles burn longer. They all burn shorter.
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A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the man orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"
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A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know?" his mother asked. Daddy picked them up and looked underneath, he replied, "I think it's printed on the bottom."
— public joke corpus