Every joke I've kept

A horse walked into a bar. The barman said, "Why the long face?"

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What is a 4 letter sport that starts with a T? Golf. (Golf starts with a tee!)

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A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?"

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Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with $2.50. They didn't go up for water!

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If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.

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Q. What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a computer? A. A lot of Bytes!!!

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One time, when I was a kid, I forgot to do my homework, so I stole someone else's and turned it in. After class, the teacher pulled me over. She asked why I didn't turn in the homework. I said, guess I forgot to change the name on it!

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Any wire cut to length will be too short.

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Q: How many Floridians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Don't know for sure, they're still counting.

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Can you decipher this phrase? LINE = End of the Line!

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Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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What do you call a black person that wants to be and acts just like Jackie Chan? Blackie Chan

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The first typewriter was called the "literary piano." Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open. A duck's quack doesn't echo. August has the highest percentage of births.

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Hey, have any of you heard of the kidnapping in the woods? Yeah, well, it all turns out OK, though, since he woke up...

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How are men and parking spots alike? Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely short.

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How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

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Why did the private classes break up? Because they never saw each other.

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If Bob the Butcher is 5'11'' what does he weigh? -Meat

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What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain.

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Do you know what the secret of an islamic marriage is? The man get's to see a striptease every night!

— public joke corpus