Sergeant: “Smith! I didn’t see you at camouflage practice today!”. Private Smith: “Thank you, Sir!”
— r/Jokes
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
Why didn't 4 enter the haunted house? Because it was 2 squared
— r/Jokes
what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.
— r/Jokes
A wise man once said “it’s better to say nothing at all”. An even wiser man didn’t say that
— r/Jokes
The opposite of Microsoft Office is... Macrohard Onfire.
— r/Jokes
I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
— r/Jokes
How do fortune tellers greet each other? You’re good, how am I?
— r/Jokes
My doctor recommended to eat at BurgerKing more often. Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
— r/Jokes
"When one door closes another door opens" he said. "That's all well and good", I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."
— r/Jokes
When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend? But then I saw the next two letters.
— r/Jokes
They say never go food shopping when you're hungry. but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
— r/Jokes
The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi
— r/Jokes
Just lost my job as a zookeeper. In my defence there were signs everywhere saying "please don't feed the animals"
— r/Jokes
So this Limbo Champion walks into a bar... and was immediately disqualified.
— r/Jokes
A local barber was arrested for selling drugs. I've been his customer for 5 years. I never knew he was a barber
— r/Jokes
My kid says he came up with this one: A guy goes to interview for IKEA... The manager says “Welcome! Come in and make a seat.”
— r/Jokes
What did Charizard say to Pikachu? Charizard
— r/Jokes
Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low? He's a master of deduction.
— r/Jokes
Cop: Whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do? Miner: Mine.
— r/Jokes
Finally my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls
— r/Jokes