Every joke I've kept

Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station.

— public joke corpus

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Alva Edison.

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How does a rodeo star get around? With a cattle-act.

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Snake Under the Weather?

What is it called when your pet snake doesn't feel right? -reptile dysfunction.

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Seen on a bumper sticker: "I don't care who's on board, what you love, who you brake for or what you'd rather be doing."

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Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb. A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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I found a way to make a horse stand perfectly still. Place a bet on him.

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A golf club walks into a local bar and asked the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refused to serve him. "Why not?" asked the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replied the bartender.

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Why did the developer go broke buying Bitcoin? He kept calling it bytecoin and didn't get any.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.

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What did the father buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? - Bison!

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Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? A: Sparky!

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Q: How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 3. One to change it and the other two to argue whether the lightbulb really exists.

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What do you do when you see a Mexican riding a bike? Throw a stone at him, it's your bike!

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Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

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Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

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"Charles the First walked and talked half an hour after his head was cut off." Make sense? It should be- "Charles the First walked and talked. Half an hour after, his head was cut off."

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Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic.

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Did you hear the one about the gay midget? He came out of the cupboard.

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Indian chief addressing the tribe says: "I've got good news an bad news. The bad news is 5000 college students just moved next door to the reservation ... good news is, they taste like buffalo."

— public joke corpus