Every joke I've kept

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

— public joke corpus

I've been out of work for a while, so when I found a job sorting salt and pepper, I was most pleased. The only drawback is that it's seasonal work.

— public joke corpus

If a rabbit were racing cabbage, who would win? The cabbage, because it's a head.

— public joke corpus

Man says to his girlfriend You're the only woman on this planet I won't. Oh by the way, I'm taken a trip to Mars next week.

— public joke corpus

What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity.

— public joke corpus

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun." answered the other detective. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" asked the first detective. "I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

— public joke corpus

Joe: When I would wear my hand-me-downs to school, all of the boys would make fun of me. Moe: What did you do?Joe: I hit them over the head with my purse.

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Baby Brother Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother says, "Heaven, Johnny." Johnny says, "Geez, I can see why they threw him out."

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A teacher came home and slumped in his favorite chair with a dicouraged look. His wife asked hime what was wrong. "You know those aptitude tests we're giving at the school?Well, I took one today for fun. It's a good thing I'm the teacher. "

— public joke corpus

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

— public joke corpus

If a fly can fly, can an elephant elephant?

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You might be a Redneck if you see a sign that says, "Say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

— public joke corpus

Why did the functions stop calling each other? Because they had constant arguments.

— public joke corpus

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing," his mother asked? "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

— public joke corpus

Dear brother, I smile because you are my brother. I laugh because there is absolutely nothing you can do about it!

— public joke corpus

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

— public joke corpus

What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut!

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A man was searching the dictionary for the word 'Dictionary'. He found this meaning: Dictionary is the thing you are holding, Stupid. Wondering what the definition of stupid was, he searched for the word stupid, he found: Is that you again?

— public joke corpus

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating. -Heard in a neuropsychology classroom

— public joke corpus

Two Eskimos sitting in their boat were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

— public joke corpus