The sheriff of a small western town was also the town veterinarian. Late one night the phone rang, and his wife answered it. "Is your husband there?" asked an agitated voice. "Do you require my husband's services as a sheriff or as a veterinarian?" She asked. "Both," came the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
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A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two tired.
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I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.
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What type of music do balloons hate? Pop music!
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Can you decipher this phrase? U P Broken up!
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Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.
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Top 26 ways to deal with Stressful Lives
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink, so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!" After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
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A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'
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Why can't bicycles stand on their own? They are two tired
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To: All Employees From: Management Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council). In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
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What' did the bra say to the hat? You go on ahead, I'll give these two a lift.
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A teacher asked his student: Give me an example of 6 animals. The student: 3 Lions, 2 Tigers , and 1 Cheetah !
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The bartender at our golf club named a drink Lilac Crazy in honour of one of the members. Every time the member came to the 19th hole, that's exactly what he did.
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"He's great on the court," a sportswriter spoke of a college basketball player in a interview with his coach. "But how's his academics?" "Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach. "Wonderful!" said the sportswriter. "Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a just little crooked."
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Patient: Doctor doctor, J keep seeing doubles! Doctor: Please take a seat. Patient: Which one?
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Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie.
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Q: How do you know there are two elephants in your refrigerator? A: You can hear giggling when the light goes out.
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The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
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The first TV network kids show in the U.S. was "Captain Kangaroo." Before 1687 clocks were made with only an hour hand. There are towns named Sandwich in Illinois and Massachusetts. Caterpillars have over 2,000 muscles.
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