Every joke I've kept

How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler!

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In Light of recent years bringing us high profile ,celebrity involved murder cases, namely O.J. and now Robert Blake.Hertz rental car is now offering a cut rate on the Chevy BARRETTA!

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A father asked his son: "Why do you take the medicine before it's time? " The son answered:" To surprise the germs! "

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Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. There's a primitive for that.

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Have a funny story? Share it here.

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A father in a hurry, taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light, where it wasn't allowed. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" he said. "That's OK, Dad," his son replied. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

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Q:How many Men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 3! 1 to actually screw in the lightbulb, the other 2 need to be there so he can brag about the screwing part!

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When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes," he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it Quits."

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Why is it better to be killed by a shark than by a lawyer? Answer: The shark would be brief.

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What do you call a lonely fisherman? A Master-Baiter

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Q: Why do they bury lawyers 20 feet in the ground?A: Because way deep down they're great people!

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"Get this." said the English bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house."Did he get anything?" his mates asked."yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."

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A polar bear walked into a bar and said "Can I please have a gin and............................................tonic?" The bartender replied "Sure, but why the large pause?" "I don't know, I've always had them!"

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Money can't buy everything... but then again, neither can no money.

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How do you know if a blond has used a computer?A:if there's white out on the screen.

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What time is it? I don't know... it keeps changing.

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Are you overworked, under paid, over-regulated, under-leisured, and underbenefited? Take heart! Not only could it be worse, it has been. This notice was found in the ruins of a London office building. It was dated 1852:

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Question: What did the frog order at McDonald's? Answer: An order of french flies and a diet croak!!

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What do ghosts call their true love? Their ghoul-friend

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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool and show who was boss on the aviation frequencies. So, this was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

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