Every joke I've kept

I bought Prince's greatest hits the other day for £20. But I partied like it was £19.99

— r/Jokes

Orion's Belt is a big waist of space. Bad joke. Only three stars.

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Working at home sucks .if you’re a firefighter.

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I steal candy bars using slight of hand... You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve

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A man walks into a bank wearing a mask. Everyone freaks out. “Relax” he says, “I’m just here to rob the place”

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Eminem walks into a bar and orders two shots of... The bartender cuts him off and says, “You only get one shot.”

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I love eBay! Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month.

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Why is the Australian emergency line is“000”? Because it’ll look the same when your phone is upside down.

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Whats the most pointless thing that actually exists? Circles.

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Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid? Luckily im in the other 5%

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Just got an email from Google detailing how they have devised a way to read maps backwards... Turns out to be spam

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What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.

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Dunno what this WiFi dude did. But I've seen a ton of bars and restaurants demanding his freedom lately

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The bartender asks "why the non-linear sequence?" Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.

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How do you make a small fortune from investing in Bitcoin? Start off by investing a large fortune in Bitcoin.

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I just got a new job teaching English at a maximum security prison. It's going to be tough but like any other job out there..... It'll have its prose and cons.

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Just called the tinnitus hotline. It didn’t stop ringing

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My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM! Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums

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How to avoid clickbait? Not like this

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Got a new roommate. She cleans my room, I clean hers. We are maid for each other.

— r/Jokes