Every joke I've kept

I had a date tonight. It was pretty sweet. Next, I’m going to try a fig.

— r/Jokes

What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore

— r/Jokes

I gave my friend an elephant to put in his room. He said "thanks". I said "don't mention it".

— r/Jokes

A bank is a place that will lend you money. if you can prove that you don’t need it.

— r/Jokes

"You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources" -The Credible Hulk

— r/Jokes

I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story and I think that something scary is about to happen... I can feel it...

— r/Jokes

What will happen if you have a wooden car with wooden engine and wooden wheels? It wooden start.

— r/Jokes

A girl in a restaurant asked me "Are you single?". I happily replied "Yes" She took away the extra chair in front of me.

— r/Jokes

A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

— r/Jokes

We conducted an online survey. and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

— r/Jokes

Just got back from a job interview, where I was asked if can perform under pressure. I said I wasn't too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody.

— r/Jokes

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job. but at least it puts food on the table

— r/Jokes

We tried Plan a, b, c, d but none have worked. But, Plan e just might take off

— r/Jokes

Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.

— r/Jokes

Assist is 50% the letter "S"... The rest are just there to help.

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I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed. Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.

— r/Jokes

When I canceled my gym membership, I had to hand in my too weak notice

— r/Jokes

I have a horse named Mayo. Mayo neighs.

— r/Jokes

Anybody wanna be in a platonic relationship? I'm asking for a friend.

— r/Jokes

How much room is needed for fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.

— r/Jokes