Every joke I've kept

Did you hear about the blind circumciser?He got the sack.

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I bought a dog the other day. I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

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she was so blonde she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."

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I found this on a can of Juicey-Juice 100% Juice. Just add water.

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There was a family of gnus, and one day, Mr Gnu went out to get some food but was ambushed and eaten by a pride of lions. Next salute, a poacher shoots Mrs Gnu, leaving poor Baby Gnu to starve to death. Well, that's the end of the gnus; here's the weather . . .

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Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? A: Bacon and legs

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Q: Why is good to be French? A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

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As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

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I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

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A man stumbles into his house after a night of drinking and is greeted by his very angry wife. "What's the big idea of coming home half drunk?" she yells. "I'm sorry, honey, but I ran out of money," he mutters.

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What does PPSH-41 stand for? It is:Perfectly and Painfully and Stubborn Hallucination for(4) one(1)

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Man 1: "Why have you painted your car red on one side and blue on the other?" Man 2: "So that if I bang into anyone, the witnesses will have a marvellous time in court contradicting each other!"

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A dog is a man's best friend because it gives no advice, never tries to borrow money, and has no in-laws.

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This is a Very Long Line That...

This is a very long line that goes on and on and just when you think it is over it starts again going on and on but you know it cannot keep on forever until it starts repeating itself about being a very long line that goes on and on and just when you think it is over it starts repeating itself about not keeping going on and on forever but you know it was a very long line.

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QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my computer? ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

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If I travelled to the end of the rainbow, As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me, The pot's at the other end.

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A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, "But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?" There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, "Well, you knew, didn't you?" and hung up.

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The Best and Worst Things in Life.

The best things in life are free and the worst things in life cost only $19.95.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Who! Who who? You must have the stammers!

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Why are Democrats better than Republicans in bed? You've never heard of getting a good piece of elephant, have you?

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