Every joke I've kept

Where are average things manufactured? At the satisfactory.

— r/Jokes

I may be bad at telling jokes, but... I am amazing at clickbait.

— r/Jokes

007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle. His orders are to, "bond James, bond".

— r/Jokes

How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.

— r/Jokes

Girls used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make. Now they also call me poor.

— r/Jokes

"Say NO to drugs" they say... I mean, if you're talking to drugs then it's already too late to say NO.

— r/Jokes

What does a German snake sound like? ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß....

— r/Jokes

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it? I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

— r/Jokes

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys. They probably have the same names

— r/Jokes

I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.

— r/Jokes

No matter how much you push the envelope. It’ll still be stationery.

— r/Jokes

I have 3 eyes, 6 heads and 15 limbs, what am I? A liar.

— r/Jokes

They said i couldnt bring outside snacks into the theater... But I've got a few twix up my sleeve!

— r/Jokes

If I bring you breakfast in bed, just say, "Thanks." Not "Who are you?" and "How did you get in my apartment?"

— r/Jokes

My dentist mocked me today, saying that even though he's much older than me, he has healthier teeth. I said it must be because he has the better dentist.

— r/Jokes

90 degrees is pretty hot for most people, But for mathematicians, it's just right.

— r/Jokes

We all know that six is afraid of seven because seven ate nine, but why did seven eat nine? Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals per day.

— r/Jokes

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses. Oh how the stables have turned

— r/Jokes

I received a flyer on anger management the other day. I lost it.

— r/Jokes

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office. It improved my outlook.

— r/Jokes