Every joke I've kept

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

— r/Jokes

Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10. Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.

— r/Jokes

I'm so hungry I could eat my watch. But that would be time consuming

— r/Jokes

Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee. Brocco Lee

— r/Jokes

Think you know everything about the letter t? That's just the half of it.

— r/Jokes

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar. Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

— r/Jokes

Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house. ..and it was delicious

— r/Jokes

Why does leather armor make you better at sneaking? Because it's made of hide.

— r/Jokes

If I don’t perfect Human Cloning I won’t be able to live with myself

— r/Jokes

I don't understand why people are celebrating pi day. It's irrational.

— r/Jokes

All my friends jokingly said that this girl I have a date with is imaginary. Well, the joke is on them. Because so are they

— r/Jokes

What cheat code do you use to get into the Army? Left, left, left, right, left

— r/Jokes

Obi Wan: Yoda, you en-route? Yoda: Off course I am!

— r/Jokes

My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?" Which is a really weird way to start a conversation if you ask me.

— r/Jokes

Where does a spy sleep? Under covers.

— r/Jokes

Why the crab cross the road? It didn't, it used the sidewalk.

— r/Jokes

Daddy, what are clouds made of? Linux servers, mostly.

— r/Jokes

If there is an elephant in the room and nobody notices. is it irrelephant?

— r/Jokes

We all know where the Big Apple is... But does anyone know where the Minneapolis?

— r/Jokes

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster... Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

— r/Jokes