What's the difference between MJ and Mr. Potato Head? MJ has more noses. How are MJ and a Wal-Mart bag alike? They're both plastic and hazardous to children.
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Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."
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How many Dominicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Dominican one to hold the bulb and Dominican two to turn Dominican one
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Why is marriage so much like a tornado? At first there is a lot of huffing and blowing, in the end someone loses their house.
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When everything is coming your way, you're on the wrong side of the freeway.
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My sister gave birth in a state-of-the-art delivery room. It was so high tech that the baby came out cordless!
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How do you make the number one disappear? Add the letter G and it’s “gone”!
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A woman went to a tattoo parlor. The artist was curious at her unsual request: A turkey on one leg and a ham on the other. The woman looked at the artist and said"My husband complains there is nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
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Proverb : Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Refined by me : Behind every successful man, there is a very much surprised woman.
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Q.) Why did the dog go to court? A.) Because it got a barking ticket.
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"Well, how are you getting on with your dating of the banker's daughter?""Not so bad. I'm getting some encouragement now. ""Really, is she beginning to smile sweetly at you or something?""Not exactly, but last night she said that she's said 'no' for the last time. "
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What do you call an elephant chasing a cat? Depends on what his name is.....
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How do you make one disappear? Add the letter g, to make it GONE!
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How to tell if your cat has a problem by asking yourself the following questions:
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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
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The following event actually happened to a famous basketball coach. "When I first got a job as La Salle University's basketball coach, the phone rang and my wife told me it was Sports Illustrated. I cut myself shaving and fell down the steps in my rush to get the phone. When I got there, a voice on the other end said, 'For just 75 cents an issue...'"
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Q: Why do women fart less than men? A: Because they won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
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Michael Jackson was announced that he is the proud father of a baby boy. He asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex. The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.
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I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
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Did you hear about the new Polish million dollar lotery? You get a dollar a year for a million years!!!
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