How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
— public joke corpus
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allmisc 970one-liners 644classic 417general 345animal 309puns 270children 220light-bulbs 191knock-knock 91at-work 63medical 61programming 59sports 49bar 45tech 42college 28blonde-jokes 23men 19family-parents 18computers 15women 15heaven-and-hell 11crazy-jokes 9business 8deep-thoughts 8military 8holidays 7science 7one-liner 6police-jokes 6money 5school 4bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3ocean 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2math 2music 2office-jokes 2old-age 2state-jokes 1
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lighbulb? None, they just assume they've gone blind.
— public joke corpus
What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
— public joke corpus
This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the cost of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95: WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
— public joke corpus
How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!
— public joke corpus
To all who do NOT believe in evolution, I have proof: MY spaghetti from two weeks ago has started growing arms and legs and I think it just called me, "Mommy". By the way, I, myself, do NOT believe in the theory of evolution.
— public joke corpus
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— public joke corpus
Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even.
— public joke corpus
What do scientists use to freshen their breath? Experi-mints
— public joke corpus
What did celery say when he broke up with his girlfriend? She wasn't right for me, so I really don't carrot all.
— public joke corpus
How many ears did Davy Crockett have? 3 - His right ear, his left ear, and his wild front-ear.
— public joke corpus
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
— public joke corpus
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
— public joke corpus
Q. How many Iranians does it take to change a light bulb? A. You send us the prize money and we'll tell you the answer.
— public joke corpus
Actual Newspaper Headline: Kids Make Great Snacks For Teachers.
— public joke corpus
In a messed up family, the child named Hope is goth, and the child named Faith is atheist.
— public joke corpus
Psychiatrist: What's your problem? Patient: I think I'm a chicken. Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on? Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
— public joke corpus
What do you get when you see peas spinning in circles? World Peace (whirled peas)
— public joke corpus
A stockbroker is beginning his jail sentence for fraud, and meets his cell-mate for next seven years. He stares in shock at the weirdo next to him, when the psycopath says, "Don't worry, I'm in here for a white-collar crime as well." The stockbroker is very relieved, and asks what crime the man had committed. The wild-haired, unkempt freak replies, "I killed a priest!"
— public joke corpus
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. (''That's all right...I'll just sit here in the dark...'')
— public joke corpus