The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the town's preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa."
— public joke corpus
There were three guys at an award ceremony for their school: a not-so-smart one, an average one, and a smart one. The not-so-smart one proudly boasts, "I'm going to receive an award today!" The average one was a bit skeptical about this and asks, "What kind of award will that be?" Before the not-so-smart on was able to reply, the smart one said, "The Most Improved Award."
— public joke corpus
A group of American tourists were on a guided tour through an ancient castle in Europe. "Ladies and gentlemen," the guide said, "this castle is over 700 years old. Nothing has been altered or touched in all those years." "Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!" exclaimed one of the tourists.
— public joke corpus
Man 1: "I was on the television last night." Man 2: "Were you really?" Man 1: "Yeah. When I'm drunk I'll sleep anywhere."
— public joke corpus
What do you call a drive-by shooting in Chinatown? A cappuchino.
— public joke corpus
-Knock Knock! -Who's there? -You know. -You know who? -Thats right, avada kedavra!
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Little Johnny's mum was sitting in front of computer while Johnny was making sandwiches. She said to Johhny, "You're the best sandwich maker ever," and Johnny says "No mum, you're just lazy." hahahahahahahahahahaha
— public joke corpus
Knock Knock. Who's there? Swen. Swen who? Swen are you going let me in!?
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What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed? Don't look I'm changing!
— public joke corpus
the last thoughts, and percentages of brain capacity
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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
— public joke corpus
An actual sign outside a house: The dog is okay. Beware of the owner
— public joke corpus
If it weren't for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for everybody.
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What do u call a blonde with 1brain cell? GIFTED!What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells? PREGNANT!What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells? A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!
— public joke corpus
Did you know diarhea is part of your inheritence? Ya, it flows in our genes.
— public joke corpus
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken.Call the manager! Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
— public joke corpus
What is a centipedes's favorite Beatle song? I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand...
— public joke corpus
What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?When they get flipped on their back, they're screwed!
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Can You Decipher This Phrase? STEP -> A step in the right direction!
— public joke corpus
A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.
— public joke corpus