A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman. The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back. The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman. The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"
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1 Good Grades 2 Social life 3 Adequate Sleep. Pick Two Welcome to College...
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What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? She said, "Is it mine?"
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Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated? He was Bjorn again
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On the way to preschool with her daughter, the doctor hadleft her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl pickedit up and began playing with it."How sweet," thought the doctor, "my daughter wants tofollow in my footsteps!"Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome toMcDonald's. May I take your order?"
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Did you hear about the eyeglasses maker who moved his shop to an island off Alaska and is now known as an optical Aleutian?
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How many snobby girls does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them, they try, break a nail, and come crying home.
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A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" "That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
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Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. What is missing here is his delivery. Great sketch - and you might get lucky enough to find it on Nickoleodeon.
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There was a nearly-new television for sale the other day. It has a 42-inch plasma screen, and I bought it for $50. The only thing wrong was that there was no volume control - but at that price, I couldn't turn it down!
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How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? Through a catalogue!!
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What do a walrus & tupperware have in common? They both like a "tight" SEAL!
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Q: how many cabbage patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb? A: the question is irrelevant since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. Notes: Topical to 1983 and the difficulty of obtaining cabbage patch dolls
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One day Socrates is walking down the road and sees his old friend Uripedes carrying a pair of pants. Socrates says "Hi, Uripedes" Uripidees says "I sure did, Usodes?"
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table, when one sees a whisk. He says to his friend, "Ooh, what's that?" The friend replies, "Beats me!"
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"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." -Poor Bear
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The Great Irish Inventions:The Helicopter Ejector Seat;Windscreen Wipers for a Submarine;Inflatable Dart Board;Concrete Rescue Dingy.
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Q: Why did the hand cross the road? A: To get to the second-hand shop!
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Why should you look out for a pig that knows karate? It might give you a pork chop!
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