Every joke I've kept

Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.

— r/Jokes

What kind of concert only costs 45 cents? A 50 Cent concert featuring Nickelback.

— r/Jokes

A boy asked his dad for 10$ of bitcoin. "$9.57? Why do you need $11.48?"

— r/Jokes

Scientists finally found out, how much sleep humans exactly need: just five more minutes

— r/Jokes

If laziness was an Olympic sport. I'd come in fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.

— r/Jokes

Parking a single car doesn’t require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

— r/Jokes

I'll never use that dictionary again... The definition it gave for "obfuscate" was confusing and misleading.

— r/Jokes

What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"

— r/Jokes

A verb, a preposition, an article, and a noun. Walk into a bar

— r/Jokes

What sound does an airplane make when it bounces off the ground? Boeing.

— r/Jokes

I had to quit my vegetarian diet. Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

— r/Jokes

What did Woody say to Buzz? A lot. There were 3 movies.

— r/Jokes

I before E. Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.

— r/Jokes

I like 25 letters of the alphabet. But I love u

— r/Jokes

Why are Astronauts always so calm? There's no pressure in space.

— r/Jokes

I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating

— r/Jokes

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates

— r/Jokes

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes. We never made it to a gig.

— r/Jokes

I've been doing yoga for 5 years. It's been a long stretch

— r/Jokes

My friend said, “I really need to go home and feed my baby hamsters.”. Me: That’s a terrible diet for a baby.

— r/Jokes