Every joke I've kept

Why Didn't the Chicken Cross the Road?

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? To prove he was chicken!

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All lazy peoples' slogan must be "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." But fear not for all of you who wake up early just keep this in mind: The first cat gets the mouse.

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son:daddy daddy why are we pushing the car over a cliff? Dad:shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!You'll wake grandma.

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What is represented by this? T N O R F O T Back to front!

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Why dot net developers don't wear glasses? Because they see sharp.

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It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown - and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

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Walking his blonde date to the front door, Keith said to her, "Will I see you pretty soon?""What's the matter," she asked, hurt. "Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

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A machine operator comes home from the factory and tells his wife, "Honey, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news, I got $25,000 severance pay!" His wife said, "$25,000 in severance pay? That's great! So what's the bad news?" He said, "Wait till you hear what was severed!"

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And so at last the beast fell and the unbelievers rejoiced. But all was not lost, for from the ash rose a great bird. The bird gazed down upon the unbelievers and cast fire and thunder upon them. For the beast had been reborn with its strength renewed, and the followers of Mammon cowered in horror.

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Why did the french dog look in the toilet? Wee wee

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Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities. A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking. A: None: They can't remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.

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Why did the kid like the bowl of carrots and peas? Because he could eat every carrot and pea in the bowl.

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Ever wonder why your ears are where they are? Just think, if they were on your butt, you would have to pull down your pants to hear what I'm saying --REDD FOXX

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DMV jokes get old really fast. Unlike the DMV. You have to go through a special line to become old.

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Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

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Knock Knock Who's there? Aesop Aesop who? Aesop I saw a Putty Cat, I did I did!

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It has been determined. The most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position. The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

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Their was a very rich old lady that died.Before she died she gave all her money and stuff to her children and grandchildren. She had one thing left to give out. It was a diamond. She said she hid it in a cylinder with squares. A grandchild said he knew where it was. Where was it???

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Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

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How do you know that you're a computer geek? You catch a computer virus and take a virus scanning pill every week.

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