A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor doctor! I can't eat food through my mouth cause it hurts" The doc says "Try eating through your bum, it might help" A few weeks later the doctor sees the man walking down the road in a very weird way, he asks "Why are you walking like that? Are you hurt?" The man replies "No you fool! I'm chewing a toffie"
— public joke corpus
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
— public joke corpus
Knock-knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!
— public joke corpus
Q: How many elephants will fit into a Mini? A: Four: Two in the front, two in the back.
— public joke corpus
What do you call a blond standing inbetween two brunetts?A mental Block
— public joke corpus
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
— public joke corpus
Earlier today, I took a glimpse at the news. They were doing a report on a new recipe for twinkies. Now they will taste healthier, but still have the same amount of calories, because of course, people can taste health.
— public joke corpus
Three blondes walk into a forest and soon find a pair of tracks.The first blonde says: "I think they're deer tracks."The second blonde says: "No, I think they're bear tracks."The third blonde says: "You're both wrong! They're bird tracks!"Then they get hit by a train.
— public joke corpus
Why is the letter E like London? Because it is the Capital of England
— public joke corpus
Real headline: "Air Traffic Controllers Can Apply for Job in Braille"
— public joke corpus
How can you tell a vampire has a cold? They start coffin.
— public joke corpus
Child: Mommy, why am I so skinny? Mommy: Don't worry about it, dear. When your father was born, he only weighed four pounds. Child: Really? Did he live?
— public joke corpus
Three men walked into a bar. They died
— public joke corpus
An actual headline: "Include Your Children When Baking Cookies"
— public joke corpus
What is black & white an red all over? A penguin holding its breath!
— public joke corpus
Why did the programmer always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
— public joke corpus
Q: Why do black people have white hands? A: Everyone has a little good in them
— public joke corpus
If I were to be pun-ish-ed For every little pun I shed I'd hide me to a punny shed And there I'd hang my punnish head.
— public joke corpus
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
— public joke corpus
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
— public joke corpus