Tagged “college”

Mr. Smith: "So, Mr. Jones, how's your son John?" Mr. Jones: "He's at Harvard right now." Mr. Smith: "Oh, really?! Well, congratulations! What's he studying?" Mr. Jones: "Oh, he's not studying anything. They're studying him."

— public joke corpus

A Dozen, a Gross, and a Score

A dozen, a gross, and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more.

— public joke corpus

Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"

— public joke corpus

An Engineering Major says "How does it work?" A Science Major says "Why does it work?" An Accounting Major says "How much will it cost?" A Liberal Arts Major says "Do you want fries with that?"

— public joke corpus

Brad: I have to take three courses in college; French, Spanish, and algebra Chris: Okay, let me hear you say hi in algebra.

— public joke corpus

If 1/(x-8) approaches ∞ as x approaches 8 from above, then will 1/(x-3) approach ω as x approaches 3 from above?

— public joke corpus

In a classroom, the teacher tell the pupils that peanuts make your smarter. Then a pupil said: "Are you nuts?"

— public joke corpus

Dear son, Good luck with your exams tomorrow. I always think that it's best to stay up partying all of the night before an exam. Exam rooms are always a good place to catch up on sleep, because they're silent, and there's nothing to do in them anyway. Love, Dad

— public joke corpus

Premise I: Knowledge is power. Premise II: Power corrupts. Conclusion: Therefore, knowledge corrupts.

— public joke corpus

"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends. "I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

— public joke corpus

What's the difference between the teacher and the one who minds trains? The teacher trains minds, the other minds trains.

— public joke corpus

What is sin x divided by n? Canceling the "n" yields six.

— public joke corpus

What's the integral of 1/cabin? A natural log cabin. No, a houseboat – you forgot to add the c!

— public joke corpus

Teacher to student: "I just read the composition on 'My House' that you had submitted." Student: "Yes, is there anything wrong?" Teacher: "No. It was excellent. It was exactly the same composition that your older brother submitted last year." Student: "Well...we live in the same house..."

— public joke corpus

1 Good Grades 2 Social life 3 Adequate Sleep. Pick Two Welcome to College...

— public joke corpus

Teacher: Julia, how can you say Asshole in a nicer way? Julia: As holes.

— public joke corpus

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

— public joke corpus

Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

— public joke corpus

To help students remember the word for "wear" in Latin, the professor used the phrase: semper ubi, sub ubi Translation: Always wear under wear.

— public joke corpus

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

— public joke corpus