My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
— onelinefun.com
Tagged “medical”
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
— onelinefun.com
When someone asks me if I'm seeing anyone, I automatically assume they're talking about a psychiatrist.
— onelinefun.com
Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."
— onelinefun.com
My doctors office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.
— onelinefun.com
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".
— onelinefun.com
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
— onelinefun.com
The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
— onelinefun.com
"Doctor, I'm addicted to 'The Family Feud' game show. What's wrong with me? Doctor: "Well, the survey says..."
— onelinefun.com
Dentist: "You need a crown." Patient: "Finally someone who understands me"
— onelinefun.com
Just called to make an appointment with a psychic but she told me that I don't show up.
— onelinefun.com
Why is a doctor always calm? Because it has a lot of patients.
— onelinefun.com
Where do sick boats go to get healthy? To the dock!
— onelinefun.com
What idiot called it a vet instead of a dogtor?
— onelinefun.com
Doctor's office: All our records are electronic now just fill out these 12 forms.
— onelinefun.com
What did the dentist said to the Sabretooth tiger? You have outstanding teeth.
— onelinefun.com
What did the math book say to the psychologist? "Would you like to hear my problems?"
— onelinefun.com
On the first day of her vacation, a woman fell and broke her leg. As the doctor examined her, she moaned, "Why couldn't this have happened on my last day of skiing?" He looked up. "This IS your last day of skiing."
— public joke corpus
Two friends, who haven't met for a couple of years, are catching up with each other's news. One says, "And then the doctor said he'd have me back on my feet in a fortnight!" His pal says, "Well, did he?" "He sure did, I had to sell my car to pay him!"
— public joke corpus
Veronica: Nurse, I am losing my hair! Nurse: Okay, what size paper bag do you need?
— public joke corpus