Tagged “misc”

How are the Points Calculated?

For a complete breakdown of how points are calculated, please read the Site Rules. You can get to the site rules by going to the FAQ's and the first answer gives you a link to the Site Rules.

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Kids in the back seat cause accidents. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

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Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!"

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The world's most widely seen warning label: "Intel Inside"Windoze 95/98 Tech Support response: "It's not a bug, it's a feature."Apple: "We may not do everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to change."

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What kind of key can't open a door. A monkey

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"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it."

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Why are golf balls small and white? Because if they were big and grey they would be elephants.

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Here is a fragment of a crossword puzzle. Note that this crossword puzzle contains abbreviations and acronyms. S O _ Clue: An insult related to a female animal. Answer: Sow.

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Did you know they have Knight Rider in the GDR? It's a Trabant with a pocket calculator!

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What's In Store For You?

Wal-mart is planning on opening fifty new stores in areas that are blighted. Ironically, the official definition of blighted is what happens to an area when Wal-mart opens a store nearby.

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Teacher: Jimmy, use the word "handsome" in a sentence. Jimmy: Handsome gum over will ya? Teacher: No, no, that's not right. You have one more chance. Use the word "gladiator" in a sentence. Jimmy: A monster ate my sister and I'm gladiator.

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Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Well, we accidentally amputated the wrong leg. Patient: What's the good news?Doctor: It turns out that your other leg didn't need to be amputated at all.

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One day in the 1800's a father asked his child to go get some nuts and berries. She went around and got nuts and berries from every boy she knew. When she showed her dad he said, "That's not what I meant!"

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In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.

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Sign at an office kitchen: After the tea break, the staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the drain-board.

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I had four cappuccinos at one time. I was bouncing off the walls. Good thing they were padded.

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Did you hear about the fight at the seafood grill last night? (no) Well, the fish got battered!!

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Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper... It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes things more acceptable for a while!

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