You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America? We're running out of common cents.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

I'm currently boycotting any company that sells items I can't afford.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

I bought a book titled "How To Scam People Online" about three months ago... It still hasn't arrived.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver!

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?" Student: "My father's check book!"

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

— onelinefun.com

one-linersmoney
Link

iPhone8 (X) has facial recognition. It looked at my face and told me that I can't afford it...

— onelinefun.com