Tagged “one-liners”

Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.

— onelinefun.com

I find it very offensive when people get easily offended.

— onelinefun.com

My Sister was crying so I asked her if she was having a cry-sis.

— onelinefun.com

Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.

— onelinefun.com

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

— onelinefun.com

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

— onelinefun.com

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

— onelinefun.com

So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response.

— onelinefun.com

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

— onelinefun.com

I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in most department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

— onelinefun.com

My driving instructor told me to pull over somewhere safe. After 10 minutes he asked me why I hadn't pulled over. I said we are still in Manchester.

— onelinefun.com

They used to time me with a stopwatch... now they use a calendar.

— onelinefun.com

I would tell you my autumn joke but you probably wouldn't fall for it

— onelinefun.com

It's funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

— onelinefun.com

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

— onelinefun.com

I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to that can't.

— onelinefun.com

What did the vegan say? I made a big missed steak.

— onelinefun.com

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

— onelinefun.com

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

— onelinefun.com

I threw a ball for my dog... It's a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

— onelinefun.com