Tagged “puns”

Sign outside a Chinese restaurant: Try our curries, you'll never get better.

— public joke corpus

Relish today, ketchup tomorrow! A hamburger walks into the bar, and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here." I wanted to be a mime, but I talked myself out of it. Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.

— public joke corpus

A boy asked to his girl friends: What does a gay cow eat? all of his friends failed to answer. Then he stood up, and with a gay-est falsetto voice he said: Haaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy!!!

— public joke corpus

Why don't elephants smoke? Their butts don't fit in the ash tray

— public joke corpus

Why was everyone at the fancy King Crab Night Diner arrested? They were breaking the claw! So punny!

— public joke corpus

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.

— public joke corpus

It's a little known fact that William Tell and his son were avid bowlers as well as archery buffs. Unfortunately, all the league records were destroyed in a fire, so it may never be known for whom the Tells bowled.

— public joke corpus

What do you call a Grizzly with no teeth? A gummy bear

— public joke corpus

I've been out of work for a while, so when I found a job sorting salt and pepper, I was most pleased. The only drawback is that it's seasonal work.

— public joke corpus

If a rabbit were racing cabbage, who would win? The cabbage, because it's a head.

— public joke corpus

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun." answered the other detective. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" asked the first detective. "I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan!"

— public joke corpus

Two Eskimos sitting in their boat were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the boat, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

— public joke corpus

How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!

— public joke corpus

What do scientists use to freshen their breath? Experi-mints

— public joke corpus

How many ears did Davy Crockett have? 3 - His right ear, his left ear, and his wild front-ear.

— public joke corpus

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."

— public joke corpus

Why does Tommy run around the school track 98 times every day? He has a run track mind.

— public joke corpus

The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)... The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, "Picabo, ICU".

— public joke corpus

This summer, I went on a trip to Houston. I needed to go really badly, so I stopped behind a tree. A minute later, I darted out being chased by a hungry squirrel. He wanted some nuts.

— public joke corpus

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

— public joke corpus