What do Clowns and moldy bread have in common? They both taste funny.
— upjoke.com
Every joke I've kept
Surf instead →allone-liners 4222misc 1013animal 458classic 417general 345puns 264children 219at-work 211light-bulbs 191sports 153food 126programming 121money 100knock-knock 91medical 76science 55math 48bar 41music 41tech 40college 26family-parents 18men 18blonde-jokes 15computers 10crazy-jokes 9heaven-and-hell 9business 7deep-thoughts 7military 6one-liner 6women 6holidays 5police-jokes 5bar-jokes 3food-jokes 3idiots 3blind-jokes 2dad 2ethnic-jokes 2farmers 2ocean 2office-jokes 2old-age 2school 2state-jokes 1
I saw on Wikipedia that dolphins can bake bread! [cetacean kneaded]
— upjoke.com
In France, do you know why they only eat one egg at breakfast time? Because one egg is enough
— upjoke.com
Why do british people pronounce it as bri'ish? They drank the T
— upjoke.com
A British trawler is sailing off the coast of Germany when suddenly the ship starts taking in water. The ship is sinking fast and the captain immediately gets on the radio to contact the German coast guard. "Help!" he exclaims, "We're sinking! We're sinking!" A hesistant voice comes from the radio. "Um...v-vot are you sinking about?"
— upjoke.com
Two Teemos sit in a brush. One says to the other "There's not mushroom in here"
— upjoke.com
My toothpaste fell off of my brush and right onto the floor before I got to brush. I was Crestfallen
— upjoke.com
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song. giving us time to change the song.
— upjoke.com
A man bursts into a doctor's office... ...and is frantically looking for the doctor. Finally he finds him in one of the rooms but he is with someone. Still, the man shouts out, "Doctor! Doctor, you have to help me. I think I'm shrinking!" And the doctor says, "Now, now. You'll just have to be a little patient."
— upjoke.com
Bought a new jacket the other day and it burst into flames. Well, it was a blazer.
— upjoke.com
Why didn't anyone want the free phone cables? Because they were free of charge!
— upjoke.com
What did the cable say when he was bullied by another cable? "Wire you so mean!"
— upjoke.com
If you power a piano with a cable does it have a chord?
— upjoke.com
Newton: I've discovered calculus(1664). Leibneiz: I've discovered calculus(1670s) Newton: Really? Seems derivative.
— upjoke.com
You can't solve every problem with calculus. It has its limits
— upjoke.com
Q. Why were photographs so depressing before digital cameras were invented? A. Because they spent too much time processing the negatives.
— upjoke.com
What did Wendy do when Captain Hook frightened her? Peter Pans
— upjoke.com
Chuck Norris parks his car in a no parking zone to buy some groceries. When he returns to his car, he sees a cop standing there. „Is that your car?“, he asks. „Yes, what‘s the problem?“, asks Chuck. The cop points at the big no-parking sign and says: „Sorry Sir, it looks like we put that sign in the wrong place.“
— upjoke.com
A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs." That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”
— upjoke.com
How old was the cave man on his birthday? Stone Age
— upjoke.com