I wouldn't have believed this unless I seen it with my own eyes. I was walking down a street in the city I live in and noticed a store was going out of business. In the window was a huge sign "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE", directly below that sign was another sign that said "NOW HIRING!" Talk about no job security!
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Ever walk into a room and forget what you came in for? Well, that's probably how dogs spend most of their lives...
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Q: How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs. A: Only one. ''Oh, excuse me, could you please test the socket with your finger while I go get a new bulb?''
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
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Knock knock Who's there? *silence*
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Can I watch the TV? Yes, but don’t turn it on.
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How do you make a reindeer fast? Don't feed it.
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Today I was thinking to myself, how would my life be different if I was born one day earlier. I said nothing would change except I would have asked myself that yesterday.
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Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb? A: That's not funny!!!
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What is a chicken's favorite type of joke? The human who crossed the road!!!
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What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythmn? A metro-gnome
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How do we look at a calendar to find what date it is, when we don't know the date?
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How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
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Q. What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? A. No ball room
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A Windows customer said when he closes his windows, they disappear.
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My geometry tutor told me, "A six-sided polygon is called a hexagon, a five-sided one is called a pentagon." "What about two sided ones?" I asked. "They don't exist," was his response. "I beg to differ! I think we should just let bi-gons be bi-gons."
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How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
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Soccer Coach: Why didn't you stop the ball? New Goalie: I thought that was what the net was for!
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What are the first 4 words in the Mexican National Anthem? "Attention all K-Mart shoppers"
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An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language." "I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've not taught that bird to swear." "Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor, "but yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
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